Hesitant because my testimony may be offensive to some. I am going to be talking about a certain religion and my beliefs of said religion and my freedom from it's bondage. I am going to be honest and open about my feelings and experience while still trying to be mindful and respectful of those currently practicing this religion. I have met several wonderful and lovely people through blogging who currently practice this religion and if you read this please PLEASE know that I mean absolutely no offense. If you no longer want to read here after this, I understand. But just as I felt God calling me out of this particular religion, I feel He is calling me to share this and hopefully it will reach and help someone who also is struggling and may feel like there is just something not quite "right" about where they are at.
Also, I will disclose that I am not here to preach, teach or talk down to. I am merely just sharing a personal experience and what I feel through much prayer (read wrestling with God!), study, and humility, that God has shown me to be true.
My testimony first starts when I was about 11 or 12. We had never been a church going family and in truth God or Jesus wasn't even really a part of our lives. That's when a medical diagnosis hit our family and hit it hard! It hit my Mom even harder. It was around that time that we started going to a Bible based church and my Mom was saved. I went to church with her and I tried to take it all in but I was young and had lived most of my life never knowing the concepts that my new church friends talked about. I tried to feel it....but never really fully understood. I prayed and went to church and tried to read my Bible but the whole concept of God seemed so far away and foreign to me. In my young mind He was more of an abstract figure than anything real. Like grasping for something out of reach I just never quite got there. So once I hit about 15 or 16 I just quit going all together. Oh, I called myself "Christian". I knew enough from my few years in church to talk the talk. But it was just that....talk.
Then once I turned 18 I met a friend through work. She was a little over a year younger than me but we hit it off and quickly became very good friends. Through this friend I was introduced to Mormonism (formally, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints aka LDS church). She had a boyfriend who at the time was serving a mission for the LDS church and she was convinced that if she converted, when he got back they would "be together forever." She had already taken the missionary discussions and was ready to be baptized but she was underage and her parents wouldn't let her.
At first I laughed at the religion. I had little to no interest in it at all and wasn't afraid to tell my new friend just that. Then after asking me several times to take the missionary discussions I finally broke down and agreed. After taking the first few lessons I had to admit that it wasn't what I originally had thought. The religion intrigued me. It seemed to have so many answers. Everything from where God came from, who He was and exactly what happened before we were born and after we die. It seemed to have an answer for everything. And best of all they believed that families stayed together as a family unit, even in heaven. That meant that my future husband and I would literally be together forever! As husband and wife, as lovers, as friends. That my future children, would still be my children, even in heaven. As someone who knew very little about the Biblical teaching on the matter, I didn't realize the falsity of it all. Truthfully, I didn't care. The thought was so wonderful to my teenage mind I would have given almost anything to believe it!
My Mom of course was appalled that I was even investigating the church. As a true Christian herself, one who had truly encountered God, she already knew what would take me years and a few detours later to learn. We sat and talked a lot. She gave me things to think about and questions to ask the missionaries, that looking back now, I see had actually quite frazzled and frustrated them. To the point where they finally invited my Mother to join in. Which she did. Once. And she gave them such a run around we didn't even actually get to their planned discussion! Needless to say she was never invited back.
During this time I had also met several members of the church and was quickly making friends and becoming more and more a part of their world and belief system. I felt so much warmth and acceptance from them that I found myself longing to belong. I was also at the age where I was naturally pulling away from my family and wanting to be more independent and make my own decisions. (I think my parents still to this day consider it late teenage rebellion.)
So when I was finished with the missionary discussions, I decided to be baptized. Even better yet my friend's parents agreed to allow her to be baptized as well and we were baptized together.
It was also around this time I was preparing to leave for college and I met the man that would one day become my husband. He was also a member of the church, slightly older than me and preparing to serve a mission.
It didn't take us very long to completely fall head over heals in love. I'm talking soul mate, star-crossed lovers, Romeo and Juliet, Bella and Edward, kind of love! The kind of love you hear about in fairytales but are told doesn't exist. It was intense. We couldn't be separated. The thought almost brought physical pain and the thought of him leaving for two years to serve a mission was unbearable. And as it turned out, downright impossible.
Only a year after we started dating we were married, and the idea of being "together forever" meant more to me than ever before. But the LDS church claims that you can only be "bound for eternity" if you marry in the Mormon Temple. The big catch to this is that only members of the church are allowed access into the temple. That meant that none of my family or friends (and in truth, not very many of his) would be at our wedding. Being a brand new convert to the church I struggled with this. Big time! So we ended up having civil ceremony instead and planned to be sealed (ie bound, married, etc) in the temple a year later. A year was the amount of time we would have to wait after our civil ceremony to be "worthy" enough to enter the temple, because apparently the church feels that is the appropriate amount of time to repent for any sin that would "force" us into a civil union.
During this first year of marriage I became more and more involved with the church. I studied, went to all my Sunday meetings (almost the same as Sunday school, but in the LDS church the classes are more there to teach about the church and how to be a better member, than being directly about Christ), and I accepted any "calling" they gave me. "Calling" being a word they use when the local leaders of the church feel you are to serve in a certain area of the church. You are free to turn down the calling but since the church considers each calling a revelation from God, hardly anyone does.
I studied the Mormon scriptures (the LDS church also has several sets of scripture other than the Bible that they feel their founder Joseph Smith was able to translate, they considered them divine works and even more accurate than the Bible). I prayed. I fasted. I lived by all church commandments. I quit drinking tea and coffee. I obeyed their code of modest Sunday dress (woman are only supposed to wear dresses or skirts on Sundays because it is thought to be more respectful). I did my works of righteousness all in the hopes of gaining my right to salvation, because in the LDS church, the belief is that Christ's sacrifice (or what they call atonement) will save us only after we have lived a life of servitude.
"For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." ~ Book of Mormon 2Nephi 15:23
"He who doeth the works of righteousness shall receive his reward, even peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come." ~ Mormon Doctrine and Covenants 59:23
I struggled. And I failed. Big time! I always wondered if I was doing enough, serving enough, praying enough, studying enough. Was it enough to earn me righteousness and eternal life?
The first year started to come to a close and we began to prepare for our temple ceremony. We set the date, made arrangements and ordered all our special garments. (There are certain garments that you must wear in the temple and even once you have been through it there are certain others that you have to wear under your clothes all the time). And this is where my story gets touchy. What goes on in the Mormon temple is, by them, considered very special and holy. So much so in fact that what goes on in the temple isn't supposed to be discussed outside of it. Even to other members of the church. As you can see this creates a very dangerous situation because even if you have questions or doubts about what you have learned it isn't like you can just go up to someone and ask. You're just told to pray about it.
I know now that the Bible teaches that what is holy and good should not be kept a secret but shouted from the rooftops!
Luke 12:2,3 For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known. Therefore, whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.
Mark 4:21 And he said unto them, Is a candle brought to be put under a bushel, or under a bed? and not to be set on a candlestick? 22 For there is nothing hid, which shall not be manifested; neither was any thing kept secret, but that it should come abroad.
John 18:20 Jesus answered him, I spake openly to the world; I ever taught in the synagogue, and in the temple, whither the Jews always resort; and in secret have I said nothing.
The love of Christ and His gospel is not supposed to be hid and kept in secret only for those most righteous. Anyone who has a heart to learn of Christ is called to come forth to Him! Even the dirtiest sinner.
Matthew 9:10-13 While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
As I was preparing to enter the Mormon Temple, I started, for the first time to really doubt my Mormon faith. I began reading my Bible more and through it God spoke to me in that still small voice. Randomly questions would come to my mind. If the Temple is truly the house of the Lord, why would only the righteous be allowed to meet Him there, when Jesus Himself allowed sinners to dine with Him while He lived in human form? Is Christ not big enough or powerful enough to save us, if His grace only covers us after our works of righteousness? Does God really care what I wear to church, when He himself wore only rags and robes? Should my goal of salvation really be about spending eternity with my earthly family, or should it be about spending it with Christ?
I had hoped that going through the temple would help answer some of these questions. I was, after all, going to be in the presence of God. I felt if I set my heart right and truly prayed about it I would get my answers. And I tried! Whole-heartily I tried. But unfortunately I left the Temple with even more questions than answers.
Out of respect, I will not disclose exactly what happens there. But I will say that some of the things that went on went against even some of the Mormon teaching I had up until that point. What they teach in the temple is so far from what the missionaries teach you during your first lessons it almost makes your head spin. At one point I literally had warning signs going up inside of my head. Like flashing red lights, "This is wrong. This is wrong. This is WRONG!"
The temple ceremonies teach heavily of Lucifer's involvement with the creation of the world. (In LDS belief Lucifer is the literal son of God and the brother of Christ.) As well as reenactments of some of the actions Lucifer told Adam and Eve to do. Along with chants, symbols, secret names, and veils etc. A million questions went through my head and I thought "Is this really what the Mormon church is about? Are these really the core beliefs of the church?" I almost felt like I had been lied to. Suckered in. I began to really question the agenda of the church. I began to feel that the reason why the church refuses to allow new members to know some of these core beliefs if because if they knew, then they would know for certain the Mormon church isn't as main stream Christian as they like to claim.
Absolutely nothing that goes on in the temple can be found or supported in the Bible. Not only that, but the Bible even teaches against many of the practices. Mormon's like to claim that there should be temples now just like there was in Biblical times. But the thing is, Mormon temples serve an entirely different purpose than the temples found in the bible. The point of temples in biblical times were to make sacrifice for sin. Then when Christ came He became the ultimate sacrifice and the temples were rendered useless.
Matthew 27:50 And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.
Hebrew 10:19,20 My friends, the blood of Jesus gives us courage to enter the most holy place by a new way that leads to life! And this way takes us through the curtain that is Christ himself.
The Mormon temple serves for eternal marriage, baptism for the dead, and family sealings. None of which can be supported by the Bible.
At the time I tried to put aside my doubts. I went through the temple several times after that trying my hardest to believe, because I so desperately wanted it to be true. I wanted my eternal marriage and family. But it was also around this time I began to question even that concept. My biggest question was "What if I died young and my husband remarried? What would that mean as far as eternity?" I figured if the church hadn't been forthcoming about some of their most core belief than the idea of eternal marriage may not be all it seemed either. And I was right. After prompting a few elders of the church, it was finally disclosed to me that my husband could actually seal himself to more than one woman as long as the previous woman had already passed away. And that he would in fact be married to them all in heaven. Polygamy in heaven? There went my happy idea of my eternal family!
"Now if any of you will deny the plurality of wives, and continue to do so, I promise that you will be damned," (Journal of Discourses, vol. 3, p. 266). Also, "The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy," (Journal of Discourses, vol. 11, p. 269).
The statements above were made by Brigham Young, an early "prophet" of the church. It speaks volumes about the belief system of the LDS church and how very different it is from Biblical teaching. Not only do men have the ability to become gods in Mormon theology, but they have to be married and have multiple wives. Not only that but many of the early founders of the church claim that God Himself is a polygamist with multiple wives and that Christ too had many wives while here on earth.
Many people don't realize that these are some of the core beliefs that the church was founded on. What's worse is that members are heavily discouraged from doing any kind of research on the church that isn't church endorsed or coming directly from a church source. Just more secrecy and a way to keep members from discovering some of the most disturbing aspects of the church and it's founders.
I didn't learn many of the things I know now about the church until after I left. I tried to stay away from any "anti-mormon literature" and continued to pray that the doubts I had were wrong. I stayed faithful in church but I became increasingly aware of God's voice calling to me. Telling me that I wasn't where he wanted me to be. That the LDS church didn't serve Him, the God of the Bible, but one of their own creation.
I fought it! Oh boy did I fight God. My reason? My husband. We had only been married a little over a year and we were still very much in love. He had been a lifelong member and the LDS church was very much still a big part of his life. We had just been sealed in the temple. Something we prepared for and wanted since the day we were married. I felt that if I left the church, our marriage would be over. I was terrified.
Then one day during a Sunday church meeting we began to sing a hymn. The name of the hymn was Praise to the Man. And it was just that... a hymn praising the founder of the church, Joseph Smith.
Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah!
Jesus annointed that Prophet and Seer.
Blessed to open the last dispensation,
Kings shall extol him, and nations revere.
Chorus
Hail to the Prophet, ascended to heaven!
Traitors and tyrants now fight him in vain.
Mingling with Gods, he can plan for his brethren;
Death cannot conquer the hero again.
Praise to his mem'ry, he died as a martyr;
Honored and blest be his ever great name!
Long shall his blood, which was shed by assasins,
Plead unto heav'n while the earth lauds his fame.
Chorus
Great is his glory and endless his priesthood.
Ever and ever the keys he will hold.
Faithful and true he will enter his kingdom,
Crowned in the midst of the prophets of old.
Chorus
Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven;
Earth must atone for the blood of that man.
Wake up the world for the conflict of justice.
Millions shall know 'Brother Joseph' again.
To any follower of Christ this song is confounding and appalling. Looking at some of the key phrases... hail to the prophet, death cannot conquer, praise to his memory, blood which was shed, great is his glory, enter his kingdom, crowned, sacrifice. All these words and phrases, which should be used to praise and honor our Saviour are being sung in praise to a man.
That day in church I was literally left speechless. I couldn't sing it. I wouldn't. I knew it was wrong.
That night I sat in prayer. This time with an open heart. Longing to hear from the one true God. Not the small powerless god that the LDS church taught me about. But GOD! The God of the Bible.
I left my fear and questions on the cross. I told Him how much I loved my husband and was worried about my marriage. I cried. I pleaded. I begged. And God answered. For the first time in my life I knew what it was like to fully encounter God.
He didn't tell me that my marriage would be ok. He didn't tell me that leaving the church would be easy.
What He told me was this...
I idolized my husband. I was putting Him before God and until I made the choice to follow God first and foremost the conflict in my heart would remain. He also told me that I needed to make a choice. Either believe that the Bible was the full and everlasting word of God, or believe that it had been mistranslated like the LDS church had been teaching me.
(The good news is. This was something I didn't just have to take on faith alone! With research I found that it has been proven that the Bible is more accurate and true to it's earliest form than any other ancient work. Some scholars have been so bold as to even claim the New Testament as over 99% accurate to it's earliest text, with the Old Testament being over 95%! But most importantly, almost all Bible scholars agree that the small variations are insignificant enough that the message of the Bible is still left 100% in tact! (For more info visit these sites here, and here.))
So...I made my choice.
I chose God.
Once I decided that the Bible was the unfaltering word of the Lord, I knew instantly the the LDS church was false. I also realized that it meant God LOVED me! Enough to show me His mercy and save me by grace. That I didn't need to be perfect and earn my righteousness. That Jesus, in all His glory had the power to save me, the dirty sinner that I was, all without any help from me. I could literally feel the chains of bondage fall off of me. I had a freedom in Christ that I never knew before and for the first time in my life I knew Him! I had an intimate encounter with God. One I had been longing for all my life and I wept with gratitude and thankfulness.
God is good! So good that not only was my marriage left in tact, but my husband has also come to know the true and living Christ! I won't lie and say the the journey has been easy. But I can claim without a doubt that God has seen us through it all! He gave us the strength to stay together even during the hardest times and has given us an even bigger, deeper, more meaningful love for each other than we ever knew possible.
My walk with Christ since I left the LDS church has been unbelievable. We have had our trials and tests of faith. But through it all God has held us steadfast in His grip. And because of everything we've been through my faith is stronger than ever. I can attest that Jesus lives! He is alive and real!
For more info on the Mormon faith or if you are looking for support to leave the church visit here. Books that helped me tremendously are One Nation Under Gods and Out of Mormonism. The first is a full account of the history and belief system of the church and the second is a first hand account of a woman's journey out of the church.
Disclosure: I am well aware that members of the LDS church have almost a fierce protectiveness of their beliefs and can become angry when they feel their beliefs are being attacked. I understand this. I welcome questions and I will respond to them as well as I can. However, I do not have time for, nor did I write this post to bring on debate. Therefore I will not be responding to obviously hostile or debatable comments. If however you truly have a desire to hear more about my journey or would like support in leaving the church yourself, please feel free to contact me by leaving a comment or by emailing me:
dancingintherainblog(at)ymail(dot)com.
